{"id":338,"date":"2011-05-02T12:59:46","date_gmt":"2011-05-02T17:59:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.greyhoundinfo.org\/?page_id=338"},"modified":"2011-05-02T12:59:57","modified_gmt":"2011-05-02T17:59:57","slug":"338-2","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.greyhoundinfo.org\/?page_id=338","title":{"rendered":"Greyhound Adopters are Crazy"},"content":{"rendered":"

Greyhound Adopters are Crazy<\/strong><\/p>\n

By Nick Wise<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/strong>That\u2019s the only word for it.\u00a0\u00a0And anyone who likes animals can fall prey to the same sickness.\u00a0\u00a0The first time, the VERY first time, a Grey chooses you, he or she will walk up to you, generally from the side, and wrap his head around your leg.\u00a0\u00a0If you reach down and stroke the head, the hound will then lean into you, hard.\u00a0\u00a0That\u2019s it!\u00a0\u00a0You\u2019ve been had.\u00a0\u00a0You have never before had this experience, and as the animal that has picked you out loves up to you, you know that there will never again be another animal that will affect you this way.<\/p>\n

So, you get out the checkbook.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0On your way home, you stop and shell out around five hundred dollars for a large dog bed, food and water bowls with an elevated stand, a new Martingale collar, a new leash, and several other essentials.\u00a0\u00a0When you arrive at your domicile, you take the dog inside.\u00a0\u00a0You spread out the new dog bed, and place a blanket over it.\u00a0\u00a0Then, you turn around to show the dog the new bed.\u00a0\u00a0The dog, however, has another idea.\u00a0\u00a0He looks at you with a look that says \u201cYOU sit there, buster, I\u2019m taking over the sofa.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0With that, the dog goes to your new sofa, hops up, circles a couple of times, and lies down.\u201d \u201cOh, look, Honey,\u201d says your spouse, \u201cwasn\u2019t that cute?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0The little lady then sits down next to the dog, and the dog scoots around until his head is in her lap.\u00a0\u00a0Okay, so the dog gets to sit on the sofa.\u00a0\u00a0It\u2019s kinda alright, because there is little, if any hair to be shed, and you haven\u2019t noticed any doggy odor.<\/p>\n

Bed time.\u00a0\u00a0You take a shower, change, and head for the bedroom.\u00a0\u00a0CHANGE NUMBER TWO.\u00a0\u00a0The dog is on YOUR bed, in the place YOU want to sleep.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cOh no you don\u2019t, old buddy,\u201d you say, \u201cthat is MY bed, yours is in the other room.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0The dog rolls his eyes up and again, the look says \u201cYOU sleep there, this is much more comfortable.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0You attempt to physically move the dog from the bed, but before you can get to him, he rolls over into the \u201cDying cockroach\u201d position.\u00a0\u00a0In Greyhound lingo, this is known as \u201croaching.\u201d The spouse laughs.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Okay, the dog won\u2019t move, so what do you do?\u00a0\u00a0If Mohammed won\u2019t go to the mountain, then the mountain must go to Mohammed, right?\u00a0\u00a0You attempt to move the dog just far enough for you to lie down, albeit a little uncomfortably.<\/p>\n

By the end of the next day, Rover has a look on his face that says he is pleased with the progress he\u2019s making in training you.<\/p>\n

By the end of the next week, you begin to get the feeling that Rover has adopted YOU, and is allowing you to live in HIS home.<\/p>\n

By the end of the first month, if not sooner, the spouse is making little comments like \u201cWouldn\u2019t it be nice if Rover had a nice little companion?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0When this happens, you know in your heart that the spouse has been looking into those deep chestnut eyes, and Rover has her completely mesmerized and is channeling his thoughts through her.\u00a0\u00a0Then, on Friday, she tells you that she needs to go to the pet store on Saturday, and she will need your help to get the hundred pound bag of dog food into the car.<\/p>\n

The next day, you pull into the parking lot at the mall.\u00a0\u00a0Lo and behold, there\u2019s a Greyhound Adoption Meet \u2018n Greet going on.\u00a0\u00a0Funny how that happened.\u00a0\u00a0You glance over at the spouse.\u00a0\u00a0Her eyes have glazed.\u00a0\u00a0As you walk across the parking lot, her arms begin to extend, palms up, and her walking begins to go stiff-legged, almost zombie-like.\u00a0\u00a0Nonsensical sounds start to come from deep in her throat.\u00a0\u00a0Then you hear something like \u201cMore, more, I must have more!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You\u2019re suddenly glad that Friday was payday.<\/p>\n

When you arrive home, you introduce Rover to Grover, and the two Greys exchange knowing glances.\u00a0\u00a0Sure enough, Grover immediately takes over the new sofa you just bought to replace the one Rover took over.<\/p>\n

Before the year is up, Rover and Grover have been joined by Curly and\u00a0Pearl.\u00a0\u00a0Since there is no room for a fourth sofa, the four take turns, with one of them on the doggy bed.\u00a0\u00a0You have resorted to sleeping in a sleeping bag on an air mattress on the floor in the bedroom, when you can entice\u00a0Pearl\u00a0off of it with a treat.\u00a0\u00a0You\u2019ve learned not to zip the bag shut because it takes too much time to get out when the Greys demand to go outside one last time, which generally happens about twenty minutes after you\u2019ve gone into a deep somnambulism.<\/p>\n

The spouse has taken to cooking gourmet meals for the Greys, while feeding you frozen dinners from Marie Callender.<\/p>\n

One day, you decide to fix yourself some venison tenderloin.\u00a0\u00a0You go to the freezer.\u00a0\u00a0The two deer you harvested last season are gone, having been ground up and prepared as \u201cspecial treats\u201d for the Greys.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Do you complain?\u00a0\u00a0No, by this time, you believe that nothing is too good for the Greys, and besides, it\u2019s just a few weeks until hunting season.\u00a0\u00a0Maybe you can harvest three this year, two for the Greys, and one for yourself.<\/p>\n

Somewhere along the line, you are home one day when the spouse leaves the house.\u00a0\u00a0Within fifteen minutes, one of the Greys begins to whimper, and then bark.\u00a0\u00a0It is soon joined by the others in a cacophony of barking.\u00a0\u00a0You go to see if there is a problem.\u00a0\u00a0By the time you get there, all the snouts are turned heavenward and they begin to howl.\u00a0\u00a0Known as \u201crooing\u201d in Greyhound speak,\u00a0\u00a0it will continue for maybe a minute, then they quit and retire to the sofas\/doggy beds\/beds\/air mattress and you hear not another sound from them until the spouse returns, when again, whimpers and barks until she comes through the door.<\/p>\n

And so it goes.\u00a0\u00a0The Greyhounds completely take over your house, your routines, your refrigerator and freezer, your whole life.\u00a0\u00a0Why?\u00a0Because you allow it.\u00a0\u00a0Why?\u00a0\u00a0Because they have mesmerized you, too.\u00a0\u00a0But, more than that, because they love you, and they show it, and you have discovered that you love them, also.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Greyhound Adopters are Crazy By Nick Wise That\u2019s the only word for it.\u00a0\u00a0And anyone who likes animals can fall prey to the same sickness.\u00a0\u00a0The first time, the VERY first time, a Grey chooses you, he or she will walk up … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":13,"menu_order":1,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-338","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.greyhoundinfo.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/338","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.greyhoundinfo.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.greyhoundinfo.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.greyhoundinfo.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.greyhoundinfo.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=338"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.greyhoundinfo.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/338\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":340,"href":"https:\/\/www.greyhoundinfo.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/338\/revisions\/340"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.greyhoundinfo.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/13"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.greyhoundinfo.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=338"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}